


Hadn't Kept his Mouth to Himself | Thyon/Ruza

by ConstantlyConfusedAlien



Category: Strange the Dreamer Series - Laini Taylor
Genre: Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Hugs, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Making Out, Panic Attack, Ruza is in love, Thyon realises he's gay as hell, omg they in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2019-11-07 06:13:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17955122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConstantlyConfusedAlien/pseuds/ConstantlyConfusedAlien
Summary: With deaths, blood and memories haunting Thyon Nero’s mind, Ruza takes him somewhere to calm down away from the chaos. Feelings are revealed, and new connections made.Short thing on what would have happened if Ruza hadn’t kept his mouth to himself. Warning: Muse of Nightmares spoilers.





	1. Hadn't Kept his Mouth to Himself | Thyon

**Author's Note:**

> Thing about what I think would have happened if Ruza hadn’t kept his mouth to himself. Spoilers for “Muse of Nightmares”. Enjoy!

Based on this paragraph from ‘Muse of Nightmares’;  
_“Ruza had remarked, inanely, the other day that Thyon was like a new linen napkin you’d be afraid to wipe your mouth on. Well, when he went over to him and led him to a place where he could sit down and remember how to breathe, Ruza found the alchemist much altered--more . . . live in, somehow. Less untouchable._  
_But he still kept his mouth to himself.”_  
P.g. 437 

 

Thyon’s POV 

He had always assumed that he understood the role of life and death. But having watched Eril-Fane and his wife bleed upon the stones of weep, he questioned _what_ it was that he had understood. It certainly wasn’t this.

The certainty that after someone dies they are gone forever – never to return - had never seemed to be such a confusing and dizzying statement as it did in that moment. Because they _should_ be dead.

But neither of them was, their cooling corpses had been dripping ruby red blood onto the stones – perhaps forever staining it– but now, their eyes were open and clear, their voices echoing amongst the so many gathered. If it weren’t for one of the Godspawn, Eril-Fane and Azareen would be dead, truly gone, but instead they weren’t. 

A true miracle. One that liked to mess with his head and make him question things. 

There was to be more death, if the slowly fading body of one of the Godspawn was any indication. He couldn’t understand the rapid speech of any of the Godspawn, but they were frantic, no doubt trying to find an equally as shocking prevention to her death.

Then the blue girl vanished – Sarai, Lazlo had said her name was – and there was a blinding moment of an emptiness inside his head, because there was so much death and it had been just little over a year since he had seen that much blood and misery. 

He hated the sight of it.

 _Mesarthium_ , the word was being repeated on the lips of many, crying out in dismay, whispers of disbelief and desperation. Listening to more of their conversation, spotting the few words that were spoken in his language or those that he understood of theirs, he realized why they were so frantic.

Fumbling in his pocket, not stopping to consider what he was doing, he pulled the shard of mesarthium from his pocket. The younger girl stared for a moment, but after a split second she took it, clinging to the mesarthium as if it held the secrets of life – which it did in a way. 

He knew everyone was stunned by what he did – for gods sake he was as well. 

Sarai reappeared - her blue skin and red hair as vibrant as it was before – and tears of relief ran down her cheeks as she was embraced by one of the others. Sobs began to shake her body, and the grip the other had on her tightened. 

His hands began to shake as his mind tried to understand what had happened – dead, definitely dead, less dead – it was too much, too fast. 

This was nothing like his alchemy experiments. They had variables, components that could be controlled and predicted, things changed and outcomes that were found. This was so confusing, so much happening. 

With weakened legs he continued to stand, unable to move in fear of stumbling and falling, watching as people moved, talked, questioned. His hands trembled as everything became dizzyingly hypnotic, his eyes darting back and forth rapidly.

Oxygen no longer found its home in his lungs, rushing out in quiet gasps, not enough air getting back in. He could feel hands around his throat – just like his fathers, he remembered what they felt like – gripping, squeezing, he couldn’t breathe.

Why couldn’t he breath?

Everything spinning in circles, around and around, and around, and around. 

And _around._

He wanted his mind to be quiet, it was too loud, full of everything, there was too much.  
Stop.

Everything had to _stop._

But it wouldn’t – no matter how much he screamed into his mind, hoping with his soul that this would end, something else would happen instead. 

Everything was spinning, his head, people, thoughts, like a wild wind that destroyed everything rational. 

He couldn’t focus, everything was happening. It was too fast, so much blood and death, so similar. He’d seen it before, blood, but what happened when someone saw to much had always been slightly obscured by his own mind. 

There _had_ been a lot of blood, and even if he hadn’t known from a young age how much bleeding was too much, he still would’ve known. There was too much.

Too much.

Too much was happening. He couldn’t think. Spinning. Circles. Too much. It had to stop. It had to stop now before --

**“Thyon.”**

He blinked, his mind clung to that voice, as if it was the lifeline in a raging, thrashing sea. So lovely and comforting it was, pushing aside the spinning thoughts as If they were no more than scrappy pieces of paper on a desk. 

Turning to face his friend, he felt his heart pause of its restless pounding – instead it stopped for a moment, then started again stronger. 

Ruza’s face was glowing with adrenaline, as if an inner light had been turned on. His eyes – beautiful brown and glowing in the newly revealed sun light – showed concern, as if he was the one worth worrying over. 

He had just been nearly killed, swords and meat hooks aiming for his head and gut, but there he was standing, worrying over a _pathetic idiot_ who had been merely watching people nearly die. Some part of him wanted to believe it was concern, but his sense of logic and sanity seemed to have returned because his mind instantly shoved that theory away as If it were a foul smell. Ruza _couldn’t_ care. 

No one did. They had no reason to. 

A strong but gentle hand at his elbow brought him back out of the dark and torturous depths of his mind. 

Looking at Ruza again, he saw that he was still looking at him, and Thyon had probably been staring at him like a – 

“Come on, follow me.”

Thyon’s consciousness clung to the hand that guided him, barely noticing the people they passed, the houses or the turns they took through the city. 

His mind was whirling in circles, from the thoughts of death and blood, his father of whom the blood had reminded him of, and Ruza’s strangely anchoring hand that made his heart thump dangerously fast in his chest.

Why did every time Ruza touched him, his heart got faster, his hands shook and the restless sea in his stomach stirred? It was confusing, so terribly and amazingly confusing. Even through his shirt he could feel Ruza’s hand still guiding him, and a part of him didn’t want him to let go.

Thyon saw Ruza glance at him out of the corner of his eye, as if it to see if he was okay, and it set off a whole new wave of panic and feelings he refused to acknowledge out of fear.

_Don’t be an idiot, why would Ruza care if he was okay?_

The incredulous thoughts vanished from his mind as he realized that they had been walking for far longer than he had realized. Somehow, they managed to end up near the guild, for he could see it only a few buildings away. But Ruza didn’t lead him there.  
Instead he led him to a stairwell between two particularly close houses, the walls high and close, the slabs of stone on the steps that led up shining in the new sunlight as if they contained small specks of diamond – they probably did. If not diamonds, then it was bound to be some other jewel.

It was away from everything, a breath of fresh air. 

Ruza led him half way up the stairs, guiding his useless and shaky legs, allowing him to be able to see the courtyard at the top that would have once been full of lively trees - now long dead. He pulled him down with him by his elbow and Thyon didn’t protest.  
Ruza’s hand stayed rested on his elbow as he turned, and Thyon could feel him scanning his face, reading the thoughts that were no doubt flickering there so clearly.

Thyon’s side was pressed against Ruza, knees touching and shoulders bumping together when Ruza shifted that little bit closer. His heart pounded, and something caught in his throat when his mind tried to grasp onto what was happening. Though there was enough space for Ruza to move over, he didn’t, as if he wanted to be close to him. 

He wanted Ruza closer, in a way that he had never wanted before. It was terrifying and confusing. He wanted him to banish the poisonous memories of his father from his head, to hold him close and wrap his arms around him and even k-

Thyon stopped his thoughts, not allowing himself to acknowledge what that last desire had been. He rested his elbows on his shaky knees, put his head in his hands, and pulled at his hair as if it could rip the thoughts from his head.

He took a deep breath, shaky and uneven and tried to take another – but he couldn’t. It felt as if someone was standing on his chest, their shoes digging into his skin, cracking his ribs, lungs squashed flat – not able to draw in enough air. 

He was suffocating, he felt the hands around his throat, so similar to his fathers. The pads of his fathers’ fingers on his skin, bruising, squeezing, suffocating. He can’t breathe. There’s not enough air. 

He can’t breathe.

He can’t breathe.

He can’t – 

**“Thyon, it’s over.”** Ruza’s deep voice brings him out of his head, and somewhere in the distance he can feel the wind on his sweaty skin. **“Take a deep breath.”**

Thyon clung to Ruza’s voice, he didn’t care that he shouldn’t be reacting to another man’s voice in this way, he didn’t care about that anymore. Because it’s _Ruza._

He tried to take a deep breath and found that the hands that were around his throat weren’t strangling him anymore. They rested against his neck – a promise of what was to come if he disappointed him. 

_Oh, gods._ Thyon has to have disappointed his father, he hadn’t been the one to fix the problem of Weep, he is no hero, no savior of a city. And if it could get worse, here he was, thinking strangely about a man which would no doubt bring disappointment and disgust and suffering and- 

The hands got tighter.

 **“Thyon, take a deep breath, you’re okay, it’s over.”** Ruza’s voice was calm, soothing. Everything he needed, everything he wanted. 

The hands loosened, 

He lifted his head and took a deep breath, found that he could, and couldn’t stop himself from taking another. As if a dam had opened, tears started running down his cheeks – he tried to hide them, to wipe his weaknesses away on his sleeve until they no longer existed. But they were there, they existed, and Ruza had seen. 

A hand at his shoulder startled him slightly, but he recognized the weight, the feel of those hands. So different to his father. Where he would squeeze his shoulder until bruises formed and ached, Ruza was gentle and comforting. 

Before his mind fully registered what was happening, another hand was placed on his back and then he was in Ruza’s arms. Comforting - everything he had ever wanted from his father, from his mother, from a lover. 

A lover. 

_Oh._

He couldn’t remember the last time someone had ever touched him like this, a simple hug, a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

He didn’t know how he would survive knowing what it felt like and the fact that he had been denied this feeling his entire life. 

Clearing his mind, swiping away his loud thoughts as if they were insects buzzing around his head, he focused on _now_. In Ruza’s arms, the strength and protection warming a buried part of him, something that he had been made to shove down with all his strength to not break under his father’s abuse.

But this time he didn’t, he let the warmth rise, warming his bones against the chill of the past. 

His shoulders shook, sobs crawling their way out of his chest and onto his sorrow ridden tongue. His eyes letting out the tears he had trapped inside for so long. Tears streaming down his face and onto Ruza’s shirt, hands held between his and Ruza’s body. 

The arms around him moved to hold his back and head, shifting Thyon closer to Ruza. One of his hands brushed strands of golden hair away from his face, tracing the shape of his ear, sending shivers down his back. 

He couldn’t not be aware of how Ruza lowered his head to Thyon’s ear, his breath faltering for a moment as he felt his mouth on his ear.

“It’s okay now Thyon, everything’s over, I’m here for you.”

Thyon had never heard someone talk like that to him. It had never been as comforting as assuring as Ruza’s statement had been right then. 

Tears poured from his eyes as he remembered that Ruza had been there for him, albeit not from the beginning, but they had earned each other’s trust, finding joy in each-others comfort, frowning and trying to fix it when the other was sad. He had never been this close with another person and some part of him panicked every time because he just didn’t know what to do, but then – as if he saw his struggles – Ruza stepped up and made the situation easier. 

Slowly the tears began to fade, drying on his cheeks and sitting on the rise of his lips. He took shaky breaths, taking in the comforting masculine scent that was Ruza and felt the shift in his mind as the insects of bad thoughts left his head. 

“Thank you,” Thyon said, his voice raspy and revealing far too much emotion than he was used to.

His voice seemed to have startled Ruza into remembering he held Thyon in his arms, but his arms stayed there, “Don’t worry about it.” Thyon could hear the emotion in his voice, but it was different, something strange that just couldn’t be true. 

Neither of them moved. Perhaps they were both too afraid to leave the warmth of the embrace, too afraid to acknowledge what was happening.

But they had to at some point. 

Only minutes later was it that Thyon reluctantly lifted his head. He angled it away from Ruza’s chest and Ruza seemed to snap out of a trance at the movement. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Ruza frowning slightly and watching him closely, a worried and anxious look in his eyes. 

Thyon rubbed his eyes and cheeks, and when he looked up, his heart skipped a beat as he realized how close they were sitting, but he didn’t move – he didn’t want to - ever. 

Their legs were entwined like pieces of ribbon, chests molded together as if their bodies had been sculptured and shaped to fit like pieces of a puzzle, chests rising and falling as shaky breaths were drawn. So close, the closest they had ever been. 

He could feel the strength of Ruza, the muscle rippling on the parts of his arms that were revealed by his rolled-up shirt, gentle hands that could do damage but didn’t – one still on the small of his back. And oh god, that set his hearts on fire.

“Sorry,” he muttered, lowering his head and letting his hair fall in his eyes, he didn’t want Ruza reading the emotions on his face. He avoided looking at what expression would be on Ruza’s face, wondering if it would be disgust like his father’s had been every time he had looked at him. 

A hand at his chin startled him but he let his head be turned, able to feel the blush that rose to his cheeks. His breath caught in his throat as he saw the emotions swimming in Ruza’s glowing brown eyes, the light of the newly uncovered sun hitting them at just the right angle, setting them alight. He could get lost in them, like a maze with no end, each turn revealing something new. 

“You don’t need to apologize,” Ruza said, his voice slightly hoarse.

Thyon couldn’t say anything to that, partly because there was a lump in his throat and if he had attempted to say anything he would have made a fool of himself. And secondly, Ruza’s face was incredibly close. 

_Incredibly_

He could feel Ruza’s breath on his lips, teasing, tingling. Their faces so close their noses nearly touched, eyes locked onto each other unable to look away as if under a spell. 

The only thing that mattered right then was how badly he wanted to kiss Ruza. All it would take was his face tilting up slightly.

Ruza scanned his eyes, his face, lingering on his lips time and time again. Ruza looked him in the eyes again, as if looking for his deepest secrets, and moved his head the tiniest bit closer. Thyon glanced at Ruza’s lips, back to his eyes, then back to his lips. They looked so perfect, so kissable, so soft. 

Ruza stared hard into his eyes, as if searching for an answer, making sure Thyon wanted to do this. 

_Oh gods, yes._

All it took was a small nod from Thyon, and he wasn’t certain who it was that moved, but then they were kissing, eyes closed, their lips hesitant and light. 

And oh gods, he had been right, Ruza’s lips were soft and heavenly. His mind drifting away in the pure feeling of it. Sparks and shivers spread through his body, affecting parts of him that he didn’t even realize could feel that way. 

His heart skipped a beat as Ruza’s other hand drifted to the back of his neck, deepening the kiss, the one that had been at his jaw trailing down to his waist. They became more insistent, more passionate. Burning with it, alight with everything they had held so close to themselves. 

Thyon moaned, a sound so dirty it had his cheeks burning red, Ruza’s tongue prodding against his lips, beckoning for entrance, and Thyon parted his lips.

He had never done this before, but he finally understood why he saw lovers so frequently entwined together in some way when he had been living with his father. Whether that be hands or arms, they were always touching. He knew why, it was addicting.

Ruza pressed closer to his chest, his own sound rumbling from his throat, now so close that it was if their clothing had disappeared. 

He was lost in the kiss, the burning need and want, Ruza a comforting and steady force against his chest, as well as other places he hadn’t realized until now were so close.

God, he never wanted this to stop. 

The kiss slowed down, morphing from burning passion and desire to something else. Something sweet and pure as honey, as beautiful as a full moon, and as soft as a child’s lullaby.

He didn’t think he would be able to survive without being with Ruza after this. It was the only thing he let his mind and soul selfishly want so badly. To do this every day, laughing, smiling, kissing, talking – everything that involved Ruza.  
With a final, small gentle kiss that sets his spine tingling, Ruza pulled his head away and the look on his face makes Thyon’s breath catch.

Shock, wonder, **love.**

Ruza’s face was practically glowing as he looked in Thyon’s eyes, and by the way he felt, he probably had the same look on his face. His hearts thumped against his chest, so loud and insistent that it was the only thing he could hear. There was also another rhythm pushing against his chest – Ruza’s hearts.

Their hearts, beating **together** in a perfect rhythm. 

“I can’t believe you kissed me back,” Ruza said, no more than a whisper, but to Thyon it seemed as if it were the loudest thing in the world. Ruza’s breath brushed against his lips, a tantalizing sensation that set his spine tingling.

“Me neither,” Thyon blushed as his mind caught up with what he had done. He had kissed another man, a handsome and beautiful man that made his hearts dance and mind sing.

“So many things suddenly make sense,” Thyon laughed under his breath, no longer wanting to push down what he had been feeling. His father wasn’t here, he didn’t have to hide what he felt – he certainly didn’t want to hide this.

“What do you mean?” Ruza asked, a curious look in his eyes. _Gods he was beautiful._

“How I’ve felt about you- “he said, then trailed off as the impact of his words seemed to hit Ruza like a blow. Ruza went still, hand no longer twisting a piece of hair on the base of Thyon’s head, with wide eyes and a slightly lax jaw, it almost made him open his mouth and apologize.

_For god’s sake, he could have been imagining everything he thought he saw on Ruza’s face and maybe he just kissed him out of pity or to get him to be quiet or something and he shouldn’t of –_

“You have feelings for me?” he whispered, voice laced with disbelief. Ruza scanned his eyes, as if he were looking into his soul and wished to read it like a book.

Thyon nodded, blushing again, and looked away, reluctant to continue seeing that look on Ruza’s face because he must be imagining it. “I mean, yeah, it makes sense if you don’t and - “

Ruza’s lips stopped him from finishing and Thyon instantly melted, his eyes fluttering closed. This kiss was different, when before they had burned with desire, they now burned with everything.

Every secret, every desire, every confession, every thought, everything.

And Thyon loved it. His mind was dizzy and spinning in circles, only focusing on one thing, Ruza. Their breaths mingled between small moments of separation, hungry and desperate for the solstice they found in each other’s embrace.

“I care about you,” Ruza said after they finally parted, both of their chests heaving and hearts pounding. Thyon had never felt so alive.

“You do?”

“Of course.”

Ruza was grin was blindingly bright, his eyes alight with joy, and he knew his face reflected the same. Together burning with everything they felt, hearts entwined and souls overlapping and merging.


	2. Hadn't Kept his Mouth to Himself | Ruza

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally updated!

Ruza hated the death and blood that clung to the air – always had. It was like a heavy blanket, smothering his lungs, burying his ears in its buzz. His lungs gulped in air greedily, the blood in his veins alight with a burning and thrilling adrenaline, a fight had never been more thrilling – though he had also never hated it more. 

He was so _confused_. Everything around him blending into one big mess of weapons, blood and misery.

There were the dead of Weep fighting against their own people – who were _dead_ god’s sake – those that recognized them stood with eyes wide in disbelief.

The few wounded soldiers tried to muffle their groans of pain as they bled from wounds inflicted by the rusty blades and meat hooks of the ghosts, friend’s rushing to help. The godspawn of the citadel stood clinging to each other or themselves, frantic and shaking. 

Godspawn.

Blue.

Meant to be dead.

He had hated them, judged them from the stories of the men that had slayed those that had once ruled over Weep, and he like many others had been at peace when they all had believed that such a terror existed no more.

But now they he saw them, and he both hated and regretted what he had done and said.

The only reason that Eril-Fane and Azareen were alive and breathing, was because of the godspawn, yet before he had been so quick to believe the stories that had painted them as the terrors of nightmares. 

He had always known Weep was anything but normal, but he had never really included life and death in that assumption. He was no stranger to death, having seen family and friends pass from sickness and time, but he had never even pondered the idea of the dead coming back – he had believed it to be impossible. 

The ghosts, and the now alive and standing people proved otherwise. 

The sound of hurried footsteps made him look behind his shoulder, spotting Calixte hurrying over with wide eyes, scanning the godspawn, Azareen and Eril-Fane, and the blood still covered them.

Thyon was following her at a slower pace, stopping at her side as she did as well, staring distantly at the blood that had seeped into the pavement. His eyes flickered with an unknown emotion, as if his mind had flashed him to another time and place. He stood tense, listening to a language he knew none of in a situation Ruza doubted he had ever been in before. 

He looked away from Thyon when Calixte sent him a few curious glances out of the corner of her eye.

Ruza’s attention was brought away from the various blood-covered weapons on the ground when the godspawn started speaking quicker, frantically. The smallest of the godspawn seething with anger, Eril-Fane and the other godspawn trying to reason with her. 

But there was one that didn’t say anything. The girl that he had seen pierced on a fence only what felt like minutes ago, stood numbly taking in everything around her, as if she was saying goodbye one last time. 

And then her body disappeared, and for a moment there was a silence heavy with misery. 

_Tick._

_Tick._

The chaos broke free from the godspawn’s bodies, restrained sobs breaking free from shaking mouths and stubbornly dry eyes. Their voices turned frantic, desperate; the smallest of the godspawn growing even more threatening, eyes filled with a relentless anger. 

_Mesarthium_ , was what they asked for. No, they _demanded._

_Why would they need Mesarthium? What would it do in bringing back their friend? Why –_

He flinched as a quick movement brought him out of his thoughts, turning quickly to see Thyon searching desperately in his pockets. He held out his hand, revealing a sharp blue shard of Mesarthium. 

_Gods, how had he even gotten it, he thought that nothing worked on it, nothing else had ever worked._

For a moment the only thing that anyone did was stare at him in shock, the smallest godspawn quickly recovering and snatching it out of his hand. She clutched the shard to her chest, knuckles white and eyes scrunched up in concentration. 

Slowly, blue began to seep back into her skin like ink spreading across a piece of parchment, the godspawn that had disappeared slowly returned, eyes snapping open. 

Ruza, remembering how shocked Thyon had been with his own actions, turned to face him.

His face had drained of color, eyes frantic and looking everywhere, though he knew from the look in them that he wasn’t really taking anything in. Thyon began breathing faster, hands shaking from where they were hanging limply by his sides.

Ruza wanted to reach out and comfort him, to hold him close and bring his mind back into the present, to help calm him. But there was that constant fear of rejection – it was Thyon after all. 

He doubted Thyon would take kindly to a man trying to comfort him when he was panicking, let alone a man that had . . . or _totally didn’t_ have feelings for him.

No – he wouldn’t let that interfere, he wouldn’t think about it, not now. It didn’t matter.

When Thyon’s shaking hands got worse, his chest heaving chest under the force of his heavy breathing, he realized he had to do something, consequences be damned. 

**“Thyon.”**

It was only his name, spoken softly, yet it still got his attention. Thyon blinked, and Ruza could see his eyes refocus on everything around him, eyes no longer dazed or frantic. Instead, when he turned to face Ruza, he saw that is eyes beheld a panic that made his heart lurch at the sight.

He looked so lost and confused, but Ruza couldn’t help but think that it made him look more lived in, in a way. He didn’t look so much like an untouchable napkin anymore.

Thyon’s eyes grew distant again, the turmoil showing on his face as clear as the newly revealed blue sky. While some part of him was glad that he had seen something new on his face, the other more rational part of him hated the fact that it was pain that he saw there. 

He knew Thyon had a mask – had since he had arrived, though it had weakened over the course of their _friendship_ – and for this to be showing, he knew what was going on inside his head had to be so devastatingly destructive that not even thick layers of iron and gold could hide it. 

Unable to take his suffering anymore, Ruza gently placed a hand on Thyon’s elbow, and was internally relieved to see it brought him back out the dark corners of his mind.

He saw the flickers of embarrassment on Thyon’s face among the turmoil and Ruza knew that Thyon needed to calm his mind by the way his eyes kept flickering. 

For that to happen he knew that he needed fresh air, a place away from the chaos.

“Come on, follow me.”

Thyon willingly followed, surprising that still hesitant and worried part of Ruza that wanted to hide under a rock. 

Ruza, his hand still on Thyon’s elbow, led him away from the heavy atmosphere, pointedly ignoring the look he was receiving from Calixte, instead focusing on Thyon who was once again lost in his own mind, though he didn’t look nearly as troubled as before. 

Walking with Thyon through the empty city, he couldn’t help but ponder at the unusualness of the situation. The godspawn, Lazlo being one, the death, and the man that had slowly taken residence in his hearts ever since he had arrived.

He didn’t doubt that most had noticed the obvious shift in Thyon. It was as if a kingdom had been lifted from his shoulders, the ice wall around his eyes had weakened and his face had relaxed slightly into something kinder and more open to the world. But there was still that tension in his shoulders, as if strings pulled at his arms, pulling him back to the kingdom he had come from.

When he had first seen Thyon smile, it had been at one of his terrible jokes – the ones that Calixte and Tzara had heard far too many times before – and his heart had stopped clean in his chest. The only reason that he hadn’t kept staring was because Calixte had nudged him with an all too knowing smile.

God, Ruza would never grow sick of his smile - as if Thyon needed anything else to be perfect about him. 

Ruza led him through the city, hand still at his elbow and guiding Thyon, hearts pounding in chest with each step he took.

He recalled a place he used to go to when he was younger, a staircase that he used to sit at with one of his old friends. It had never failed to calm him when he was ridden with stress, the jewels that were placed within the stone had always made him feel as if he were sitting in a sparkling city on another world.

Of course, he had been young with a child’s imagination when he had thought of that, but he couldn’t think of a better place to go.

He glanced at Thyon out of the corner of his eye, his hearts stuttering at the sad and distant eyes. Nothing could control his slight intake of breath as a ray of sun hit his face, his hair shining and eyes glittering.

His eyes were drawn to him, how could he _not_ be.

When they reached the town square near the guild, he saw Thyon startled back into reality and take in where he was. 

He looked so terribly broken – like a shattered window against the force of a raging wind – and he could only imagine what horrible memories were playing on repeat behind his eyes. He knew, whatever they were, they were painful. Poisoning, like clouds of black ink. 

Ruza had a suspicion of what had been done to him and he was pretty sure Suheyla had an inkling as well. It was no surprise, she knew bloody everything and loved to remind him of that fact every possible chance she got. 

He didn’t know if anyone else had noticed, but the signs were there; tensing at the mention of his father, avoiding any topic involving his family, the nightmares he knew Thyon had from the one night they had both slept at the guild and he was in the room next to him. 

He hadn’t felt pain like what Thyon had felt, but he didn’t want to. No one deserved to even have an idea about any of it, no matter how much of a jerk they had been. An incredibly attractive jerk at that. 

Ruza led him towards stone stairs that were littered with jewels, Thyon not protesting as he pulled him down next to him, keeping his hand on his elbow, hesitant to break the contact. He turned to face him, wanting to care for him in way he doubted anyone else had. 

Thyon’s eyes were filled with relief, though the panic and shock still shone through, and it didn’t show any signs of subsiding – no, it seemed it was getting worse. 

He could feel Thyon shaking against the side of his leg, the tremors visible in his smooth hands.

Ruza had never seen him so open with what he was feeling, vulnerability, he had quickly learned, was not one of Thyon’s skills. But now, everything could be seen on his face; doubt, pain, misery, sadness, confusion. It was all there. The mask had fallen. 

Their shoulders nudged each other as Ruza moved closer, hoping that his mere presence could offer some kind of comfort. Thyon’s face seemed to relax that tiniest bit, though he looked confused and terrified only moments later. 

When Thyon rested his elbows on his knees and let his head fall into his hands, tugging at the beautiful blond hair falling around his face, Ruza felt a pain he had never felt before. 

Too see someone they loved struggling, he finally understood completely why his parents always looked so pained when other was sad.

**Loved.**

He could deal with that revelation later, he had far more important things to worry about, like the fact that Thyon could barely breathe.

He wanted to hold him into his chest and hold him close, wanted to whisper in his ear how everything would eventually be okay. But that could make it worse and Ruza would rather cut off his arm than put Thyon in more pain. He didn’t know if Thyon would be okay with that or even wanted that.

He didn’t know what to do and he hated himself for it. 

**“Thyon, it’s over,”** he said, trying to comfort him with words. He moved his hand slightly on his elbow but stopped – too much, far too soon. **“Take a deep breath.”**

Ruza sighed inwardly in relief when Thyon’s breathing slowed down, but it didn’t last long. Within minutes his breathing quickened again, raspy and painful.

He tried again, **“Thyon, take a deep breath, you’re okay, it’s over.”**

Many things were over, not just the death and misery of before. No, the harmful treatment Thyon received had come to an end, and knowing that it had something to do with his father made Ruza see red. Like hell would he allow someone to hurt Thyon any longer. 

He just hoped Thyon would let him help him. 

Thyon took a few shaky breaths before he was able to breathe properly again. Lifting his head, it revealed the look of sorrow and pain that seemed to be engraved into his features. Thyon stared ahead, tears slipping out of the corners of his eyes, though they were only there for a second before he had wiped them away with the sleeve of his shirt. 

But Ruza saw, he always did. 

He put a gentle and hesitant hand on Thyon’s shoulder, nearly taking his hand away when he startled, he didn’t because Thyon had leaned into his hand, as if he _wanted_ to be close to Ruza.

When the remainder of Thyon’s mask began to crumble and Ruza could see the tears that were steadily growing behind his eyes, he couldn’t stand to watch anymore. Placing another hand on Thyon’s back, Ruza shifted him until he was holding him in his arms.

Thyon melted into his embrace, Ruza holding him tighter when the tears finally broke free from their cage. Thyon’s sobs into his shoulder making Ruza’s own sadness escape down his cheeks. Even if Thyon hated him after, wanted to curse him to the skies, he couldn’t let go. He wouldn’t leave him alone, not when it was so painfully obvious that Thyon craved warmth and comfort as if it were water.

Each sob that escaped Thyon made his hearts ache. His shirt was soaked in tears, but he didn’t care.

When he looked down he saw that part of Thyon’s sleeve had risen up slightly, revealing those lines on his arms. He knew Thyon had lied about how they got there, he hadn’t spent most of his time ‘Thyon watching’ – as Calixte had called it, though it was no such thing – to not notice when he lied. 

But he didn’t want to push it. 

He would never force Thyon to tell him anything or do _anything_ , he wouldn’t subject him to that unfairness.

Instead, he would be his friend, even though some part of him wished for more. He would be by his side and when Thyon trusted him enough to talk about _that_ , he would listen and be always be there, no matter what would come of it. 

He pulled Thyon closer to him, their bodies now so close that he could feel the shape of Thyon’s chest though his shirt. He lifted a shaky hand, brushing blond hair behind Thyon’s ear, part of his mind noticing how smooth it was.

_Irrelevant._

He lent closer to Thyon’s ear, his breath faltering at how intimate this was, not really registering what he was doing. He heard Thyon’s breath hitch slightly, a break in the slowly calming tears. 

“It’s okay now Thyon, everything’s over, I’m here for you,” he rasped out, trying to contain the true extent of what he felt. He shouldn’t have to deal Ruza’s problems – Thyon was more important. 

He hadn’t noticed at first, the slowly building _thing_ between them, but then he had, and it had struck him like a tidal wave. Spending long hours into the night thinking about Thyon, how he had become somewhat friends with him, what the hell that damn insistent fluttering inside his chest was, how there was something else that Ruza felt for him. 

He had ignored the last thought as soon as it surfaced. 

Days had gone by, and that stubborn feeling in his chest didn’t go away, the side glances and hidden teasing he was getting from Calixte and Tzara hadn’t been helping either. What also hadn’t helped was the fact that he knew Thyon would never feel the same way about him, he couldn’t imagine him having feelings for a woman – let alone a _man_. Especially not when he had noticed how cruel and unjust his home city was to those like him and Calixte.

Thyon had lived there, praised by the queen and raised by the Duke, he would never feel that way about him.

So, pushed his feelings aside. 

Thyon’s mask had slowly slipped over the days, expression no longer guarded and cold, revealing who he truly was away from his toxic city and the people who he knew as ‘mother’ and ‘father’. 

And then Ruza had cared even more for this new side of Thyon he had come to know. Their friendship – though it was rocky and only just beginning – had become important to Ruza.

Thyon had become important to him.

“Thank you,” a raspy voice said, laced with emotion, startling him out of his thoughts – Thyon. The handsome man in question, had slowly began to calm in his arms while his own mind had wondered, his breathing steady and shoulders still. 

He had almost forgotten he was holding Thyon so close to him, but now that he knew, it was the only thing that he could think about. 

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, and this time he couldn’t help what leaked into his voice. 

Thyon showed no signs of moving and Ruza hoped that it was because he too didn’t want to leave the warmth that their embrace provided. He also hoped, with every fiber of his being, that this hadn’t ruined their friendship. 

Ruza was terrified of the fact that it was even a possibility. Perhaps he had taken it too far, maybe Thyon hadn’t wanted to, and Ruza had been so selfish thinking only of himself.

But Thyon didn’t move, and he wanted to be just a little bit selfish for a moment longer – just this once.

Minutes had passed before Thyon lifted his head, startling Ruza out of his thoughts of how this could go so terribly wrong. 

Ruza frowned at how Thyon turned away from him, almost as if he were embarrassed. There was a faint blush on Thyon’s cheeks, head tilted down in an attempt to hide his red rimmed eyes, the echo of sadness still heavy on his shoulders. 

He scanned the part of Thyon’s face that he could see, watching for the flickers of disgust or hatred – he saw none – yet, he still worried that he had pushed it too far. He worried that Thyon would hide away from him now that _this_ – whatever _this_ was – had happened. 

When Thyon looked up it was only then that the feeling of his body pressed against his own moved to the forefront of his mind. As well how _incredibly_ close they were sitting. 

Close enough that Ruza could feel the very spirit that pumped through Thyon’s very veins. His arms pressed into his stomach, setting it alive with swarms of bees and butterflies that begged to be set free. 

Ruza didn’t want to move. 

Entwined like the pieces of yarn in his mother’s sowing basket, arms and legs entangled, made to be twisted and held together. Their faces were dangerously close, so close that Ruza could see the flecks of brown among the green in Thyon’s eyes, the small freckle near the outer corner of his left eye, every curve of Thyon’s lip. Ruza’s hearts skipped a beat as Thyon’s shaky breath brushed against his own lips, tingling. 

This was the closest they had ever been. 

He still had one of his hands on the small of Thyon’s back, holding him close and steady, reluctant to let him go. His hearts were singing, a sweet melody that pulled him under a lake of bliss. 

“Sorry,” Thyon muttered, his voice weak and hoarse, looking down at his lap again. Ruza's heart shattered at the insecurity of Thyon, even with down cast eyes he could see the gloom on Thyon’s face, as if his mind had delved back into the cloud of dark memories and thoughts. 

Ruza brought his hand up to cup Thyon’s chin, his touch feather light and delicate, his hands burning at the touch of Thyon’s skin. Turning Thyon’s face to him, he saw a light blush covering his cheeks, the flickers of darkness in his green eyes slowly withdrawing.

With steely determination he looked deep into Thyon’s eyes, his hearts skipping a beat at the different emotion that flickered in Thyon’s eyes. It was something he had never thought he would see, but then again, they were friends, just that. Perhaps he had misread it. Perhaps his own desires had clouded his judgement. 

“You don’t need to apologize,” Ruza said, no longer able to hide the extent of what he felt from his voice. He didn’t want to hide it now, not when he had to make sure that Thyon understood how sincere he was being.

He could imagine Calixte and Tzara laughing at him now, and he knew that if they were here, they wouldn’t stop teasing him. But they weren’t, and Thyon looked mesmerizing, eyes enraptured by sunlight, a glow he had never seen shining from within. 

Sharing a breath, his lips tingled as Thyon let the pent-up air in his lungs free. So close, their noses nearly touching, and Ruza so desperately wanted to kiss him. He glanced a look at Thyon’s lips, smooth and perfect, before looking back up at Thyon’s mesmerizing green eyes. 

Their eyes locked, and he couldn’t look away. A delicate ribbon between them, and he knew that no matter how hard he would have tried to look away, he wouldn’t be able to. Ruza didn’t want to.

Thyon didn’t look away either. 

Ruza scanned his eyes, taking in the web of colour that had intrigued him the moment he had gotten close enough to see. Nothing could stop the pull that Ruza felt towards Thyon, his gaze from flicking back to Thyon’s lips, and he knew there was no hiding it now, it was too late for that. He wanted Thyon in every possible way. 

He had always taken risks growing up. Climbing that tree his mother had told him not to because he wanted to see above the houses, going on that horse ride even when his father had warned him against it, jumping in front of his childhood friends bully when they had swung back for a punch. 

And he was taking one now, moving his head closer, lips so much nearer the possibility of meeting, their newly forming friendship also so much nearer the possibility of crashing and burning. 

Looking into Thyon’s eyes, he searched for an answer that he would do nothing without. He had to make sure Thyon wanted to do this, the thought of forcing him into anything was enough to make his own mind recoil.

Thyon barely moved his head, though it was as noticeable as the blue sky, and then their lips met, eyes fluttering closed as their mouths moved against each other. It was light and hesitant at first, traces of fear running through his veins along side the burning desire. 

Kissing Thyon was like tasting heaven, Ruza found. His mind was spinning, hearts thundering against his ribs, body was alight with the pure bliss that was slowly spreading through his body. He could taste the salt of Thyon's tears on his own tongue and his heart ached. 

Gods, he never wanted Thyon to have to be that miserable again - to cry as if they were held back for years and years. 

He would do anything to make him happy. 

Anything. 

Ruza lifted a hand to the back of Thyon’s neck, pulling him closer, his other hand sliding down Thyon’s hold to his waist. Each bump and smooth expanse of skin that Ruza felt underneath his shirt was heaven, beautiful and unlike any other. 

Sparks flashed, veins burning, bones groaning in the desire to be closer, to hold, to cherish. The desire to love Thyon in a whole new way that he had never known flared as Ruza pressed even closer, Thyon tugging him closer by the base of his shirt. 

His skin burned, heart stumbling, as a moan sounded from Thyon. So pure and dirty at the same time it made every inch of his being, both body and soul, shake, his body so painfully aware of each movement that brought them closer.

He prodded at the entrance to Thyon’s lips, his mind nothing but static as the pleasure spiked, his own moan releasing, thrilled at the shivers he felt down Thyon’s spine. 

Their bodies were so close it was if there was nothing between, but the taunting fabric of their shirts kept their skin separated, and Ruza so desperately wished they weren’t outside so that he could feel more of it. 

Thyon was addicting. The sounds, the feel of his lips, his mind, his eyes, the curves and dips of his body. Each and every part of him was like a drug - one you never wanted to quit. 

And he loved it. 

Ruza bathed in the glow of the kiss, the desire turning into something else, something that set his hearts beating against his chest like erratic drums, faster than they ever had before.

It was the morning sun peeking through the gaps of the citadel, trees glowing and blue house roof’s shining. It was chill blankets on a warm day, a juicy apple, rich honey on Suheyla’s delightful bread, his mother’s lullaby echoing through his childhood home.

It was as beautiful as a still lake glowing with the reflection of stars, as beautiful as glowing faces lit by a moon, and the glow of skin under the desert sun. 

Ruza couldn’t possibly ponder the idea of not doing this, of not holding and being there for Thyon. His own selfish desire, so long being suppressed and buried with futile lies, sprung to surface with determination.

The kiss slowed, growing sweet and gentle, desire crawling down his spine like ants. Hesitantly his mouth drifted away from Thyon’s, taking in the air that he had been so beautifully deprived of, the look on Thyon’s face made his lungs reconsider their decision to work properly.

Thyon’s face glowed, skin alight and eyes shining with something he had never noticed before. 

Shock, wonder, **love.**

Thyon smiled, and with that alone it made him all that much more beautiful. He was perfect, glowing and radiating with a joy that had been set free. Ruza was unable and unwilling to constrain the smile that he knew was on his face, delighting in the haze of comfort that settled over them.

His hearts thumped wildly in his chest, calling out like a siren from the tales he had read, searching for that of which it was paired with. 

Ruza could feel Thyon’s hearts against his own chest, a beautiful rhythm that set his soul aglow.

Their hearts, beating **together** in a perfect rhythm. 

“I can’t believe you kissed me back,” Ruza whispered, breathless, still trying to work out how this beautiful man had managed to capture his heart in his elegant hands. 

Thyon exhaled a rushed breath that danced along Ruza’s lips and sent a new wave of shivers down his spine and to his fingertips. 

_How was Thyon already doing so much to him?_

“Me neither,” Thyon said, a blush returning to his face. “So many things suddenly make sense.” 

Ruza could only stare as Thyon laughed under his breath, _did he really mean that, what was it that he meant?_

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“How I’ve felt about you- “Thyon said, trailing off as Ruza’s body went still and his eyes went wide. He hadn’t even allowed himself to think of the possibility of Thyon feeling anything for him, not wanting to raise his hopes, only to fall back down when reality hit.

But . . . here Thyon was, saying things like that, setting his hearts aflame, and it was real. This was real and not one of his hopeless dreams. 

“You have feelings for me?” Ruza whispered, still in disbelief that there was even a chance Thyon would have feelings for him, and also unsure. He looked into Thyon’s eyes, searching for a truth that may not even exist.

_Maybe that wasn’t what he meant, but then why would he kiss back. Maybe he was confused, or he had been too forward, or perhaps he had been too –_

Thyon’s blush returned and he nodded looking away, insecurity clouding what Ruza could see of his eyes. 

“I mean, yeah, it makes sense if you don’t and - “

He couldn’t bear to see that insecurity on Thyon’s face, so Ruza did the only thing he could think of that would assure Thyon that he did feel the same way. That would tell Thyon that he _did_ care. 

Ruza kissed Thyon.

It was just as wonderful, hearts stuttering as they both let their souls flow like honey, surrendering to the kiss. But there was something different about it this time, it was no longer burning bright with desire, instead it shone with everything. 

Every secret, every desire, every confession, every thought, _everything._

Ruza could only focus on one thing, Thyon. The rest of his worries flew away like wild birds away from foxes. Because this was as wild and dangerously addictive that Ruza knew he wouldn’t be able to fight that pull that he felt towards Thyon. 

And he _loved_ it. 

He loved the warmth of their shared embrace, twined together, both body and soul, the feeling of Thyon’s skin against his hand. He loved the way that Thyon smiled or became so immersed in the thing he was doing that his eyes filled with fireflies. 

“I care about you,” Ruza said after they finally parted, because sadly both of them needed oxygen and he _had_ to ensure that Thyon knew. He had never felt so free and alive as he did then, secrets no longer that, hearts pounding and lungs gulping in air.

“You do?” 

“Of course.” There was no possible way that Ruza would ever deny Thyon of anything, especially the truth, he deserved to know. If only he knew how deeply and madly in love Ruza was with him.

But that truth . . . that could wait a while. 

Ruza grinned, Thyon’s face glowing with lights captured in his eyes and a blinding grin, and he knew without being told that he looked the same.

Together their souls burned with everything, hearts and veins entwined together like string, tied and braided into a mesmerizing masterpiece that rivaled the beauty of the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this took way longer than it should of, school decided it would take away my will to do anything with my life for a couple weeks and then throw homework at my head. But now it’s holidays so I should hopefully write more. Hopefully.

**Author's Note:**

> Thankyou for reading! :)


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